Release the Kraken!

A Meta plea for Kansas City-based comic Jeff Krakenberg

DES MOINES—Jeff Krakenberg, an affable Kansas City, Mo.-based comic and cyber security consultant, has had a rough ride in 2022.

A hit-and-run driver destroyed his car. Krakenberg, 30, divorced his wife. He managed imposter syndrome. Conflict with his extended family ensued over his modest life achievements as a trainer and stand-up comic. And Krakenberg’s cramped, yardless apartment caused cabin fever.

“I had to come all the way to Des Moines to find a good backyard,” he said a Saturday night show at Ilk Haus, a backyard venue organized by an artist collective, which may or may not be a secret meth lab. “I have to go to work on Monday. I can't just roll around in a backyard full of meth.”

Krakenberg’s monologue cycled through hit-and-run collisions, rental car adventures, police run-ins, narcotics, cyber security consulting, Jimmy John’s, cats eating dead people’s faces, and the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.

“I started out May married. I ended May not,” he said during his 45-minute set. “Statistically, it happens to a lot of people, so I don't feel too bad. But then a couple of days later, I got a PS5. So, I could just be sad in high definition… The sad thing is, I couldn't just like leave when that happened, because I have a cat. And so I also couldn't die because I'm like, ‘This guy is not eating my face.’” 

Perhaps most devastating, Meta, Inc.—the parent company of Facebook—kicked Krakenberg off the platform.  

After family members lost thousands of dollars to “Christmas-time” scams, Krakenberg received a message from his grandma in December:

“… [Y]ou're always talking about those malicious links,” she wrote in Krakenberg’s retelling. “Well, I think I clicked on one because now I have no money.”

“I was like, ‘I don't know why you're asking me grandma,’” he said. “I also have no money… I have a professional job, but that just means I'm a teacher. And the other thing I do is comedy. Neither of those really pay very well. And then she never responded to that. So I'm hoping she's dead.”

Soon after, a scammer solicited Krakenberg for $200 via Cash App to “release onto you a blessing of $20,000.” So he seized the opportunity to “turn into a terrible online Batman.” 

Krakenberg created a dummy website billed as a third party security product to scam the scammer. He obtained Facebook credentials, disabled the fake account, and reported the matter to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. In the meantime, the hacker-scammer accessed Krakenberg’s account and posted “what Facebook calls gratuitous nudity on as many pages as possible.”

Krakenberg’s kink links prompted a 24-hour Facebook ban. A stickler for following the rules, he protested. 

“I thought they'd be like, ‘You know what? Jeff's breasts aren't that impressive. Let's let him back on,’” he said. After further review, Facebook representatives comically cancelled him permanently, due to posting a “malicious link.” 

“Do any of you use Facebook willingly or is it just like you're stuck there? As comedians, we have to have a Facebook, or else people are like, ‘I’ve never heard of this guy. He doesn't even have a Facebook account. He's probably a scammer,’” he said at the free-will show hosted by Ilk Hauser Tim Overton, an improv comic and instructor.

“If you guys donate, I'll give you a coffee cup that has a joke on it,” he said, closing his set. “[B]asically all it says is Jimmy John's is just Jersey Mikes in witness protection. That’s why he’s so freaky fast. He flipped on the Panera family, actually. He had to get out of town so it took the Subway. It was rough. He was worried. He heard that to get into witness protection you had to take a test. He was like Quiz? No[s]… “

Krakenberg attempted to Kickstart a comic-zine last year called FUKC. He’s giving it the ol’ college try again. He’s back on Facebook—for now—and you can also connect with him on Instagram and LinkedIn.

Saturday’s show also featured Central Iowa-based comics Leo Bird and Matthew Jacobsen.

Leo Bird

Bird’s comedy—described as vulnerable, humorous, relatable, motivational, inspiring—educates people about finding their place and autism. Bird started writing scripts in 2013, has performed frequently at Lefty’s, and the Funny Bone. His five-minute sets on Facebook, joining clubs to make friends, empathy for his autistic cousin, asking girls out, hobbies, and prayers for job confidence.

In 2020, he appeared on Shark Attack and was on Last Call three times. In 2021, his art appeared at the Iowa State Fair and the Des Moines Public Library. This year, he performed at Night for a Cause and Nice Guys. Purchase his artwork at the Octagon Center of Arts in Ames.

His Saturday set, aided by original artwork on an easel, met the motivational bill. Learn more about booking Bird at The Bash.

Matthew Jacobsen

Jacobsen is an experienced comedian, content creator, and creative mind active on the national circuit. He’s a farm-raised Iowa native who always felt more comfortable on a stage than in a tractor. Jacobsen came armed with an array of stories, voices, and faces—per his promotional material on his self-designed, slick website. He also sells merch.

Jacobsen’s Saturday night set featured self-deprecating rifts on his shaved head (he’s been called Adult Caillou, Mr. Clean, and albino). His engaging performance featured fan favorites—his suicide watch eating-alone meals at the Cheesecake Factory, Ouijia board ghost theories, and Donald Duck fart impressions.

Jacobsen has performed at a variety of Iowa comedy festivals and will take his talents to the Altercation Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas in October.